Cute Girl at the Hub

So, as you may remember, back in my junior year of high school, I had a liking for a girl that was just about six months older than me, and I asked her out when the window was firmly closed. It was December 25th, 2012, and I was a little disappointed in myself for letting it go so long. At the time, I was really saddened by it, but it didn't ruin my Christmas. When I think about it now, I think it's because deep down inside of me, I wasn't really set on dating her. I mean, if I had been truly into her and really wanted to be more than friends, I feel like that should've just ruined my Christmas, but it didn't. Sure I wasn't happy with the outcome, but it's not like I was dragging my feet around the whole day, looking lousier than ever.

Anyway, that's besides the whole point of this post. That was nearly 3 years ago, and times have changed and new people have arrived. And by new people, I mean a plethora of insanely attractive girls at WCTC. Like, it's scary how many of them there are. Last semester, and my first semester last fall, there wasn't a sight to be seen with the women at school. This semester, however, that has totally changed. Not only are these girls good-looking, but daaaang, they got that booty. There's one girl that I've started to become especially keen to checking out, and she works by the Hub where the food is cooked. She's one of the women who works the cash register. When I first saw her, she did seem like a pretty attractive girl, but the more and more I went down there to get lunch, I started to feel more like I should ask her out. On the way home from class today, I made it official that I am going to ask her out, I just gotta figure out when's a good time. She's probably always there during peak lunch time, which sucks, because I'm hoping to catch her when there's really no one else there so I can either be getting lunch or just go up to her and ask her out without there being a lot of people there. I'm not really one to ask that sort of thing in front of a crowd, and so I'm hoping and gonna start to pray that I find that ideal time to ask her. Not sure how I wanna do it yet. By that I mean I don't know if I wanna straight-up ask her to a movie or something, or just a general, "Hey, I think you're really cute. We should go out some time." or "You know, there's this great movie opening this Friday, and you seem like a girl who loves the movies." even though that one is such a cliche it's not even funny.

There's just one small problem that isn't really a problem, but to me, it is. A friend of mine who I hang out with in our group at school goes down to the Hub with us to get food once in a while, and today he got some food - I forget what he got, not like it matters though - and got taken care of by her. After we sat down, he said "That one girl over there," "The one that works the register?" I asked. "Yeah, she's pretty cute." I just agreed with him because she really is, but that raised a red flag. It means he's kinda into her too, and so I have to act fast if he's at all thinking about asking her out too. I really don't want it to end that way, so I really gotta buck up quick and ask. It's not the end of the world if that happened (which, honestly, I don't see it happening. I'd be shocked if that's the way it turned out.) but I'd really be upset with myself if I let a perfect opportunity like that slip away. I'm gonna be praying to God that it ends up working in my favor and hoping to all that is holy I muster up the courage to ask out that pretty girl. I'm 20, almost done with school, will probably have a great job after college is over, so I'd say it's about time I got down to brass tax and found that special person in my life. This could be it right here. Worst case scenario? She says no. I've had it happen once already three years ago, and look where it got me. I got this. I know I do.

This Damn Semester

I'm over halfway through my third of four semesters at WCTC, and I'm really pissed about all of it so far. There are two classes that I'm doing okay in, but that's about it. Cold Processes is the only one that I have a solid A in, and the other I have a B+ in. Everything else is a C, and it blows. I really can't seem to win at any of it either. In Basic Mechanisms, I have without a doubt the worst fucking teacher ever. He wasn't so bad first semester (mostly because I didn't know anything about him, hadn't heard anything about him, so I just went with it) but after second semester started, I kinda saw what he was really like as a teacher, and this semester, I can't believe how fucking horrible he is, and how he's still teaching at WCTC. First of all, he's creepy as shit, probably cuts his fingernails once a year, can't seem to tame his hair one bit and makes really weird noises. Also, he sucks at teaching. Lots of times he has to go back to his notes to remember what something means, says "I'll post an announcement in Blackboard and get back to you on that that way." or has to spend 15 minutes going through one simple problem because he clearly has no fucking clue how to do it himself. He spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get an answer to something he worked on an hour before class, and was even like "Well, I was able to get this an hour ago." He also uses another teacher's notes for his lectures that he doesn't even understand himself. He'll literally read them word for word, do example problems out of the book, and that's it. No explanation on how they're done, where they get certain numbers from, just, here's what this is, and here's what they got. Oh and he looooooooooves to say "Alright, now what? What do I do next? What's next?" during lecture when working through example problems. Most of the time I don't know what to do because I'VE NEVER SEEN A PROBLEM LIKE THIS BEFORE, SO HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT? Once, just before lecture ended, he introduced these idiotic "Instant Center method circles", and completely blew over the information that explained what they were for, and at the end of class, he even said some people don't like doing those so they just ignore that part. So then why in God's name are you putting so much emphasis on this if students in the past hated them and don't even do them?! GAH he just pisses me off so much, but I'm not gonna blow up on him because that ain't gonna do fucking shit. There have been kids who already complained to the dean about him and tried to get him fired, because of his contract, he can't be fired. It's complete bullshit. I mean, if, say, 10 students gather to talk with the dean about a teacher who clearly can't teach, and they all agree that he sucks, why the fuck does a contract override that? If a school is so "Oh, we're for the kids and we do whatever we can to help them succeed in their education!", then why are they like "Sorry, we can't fire him even though he's a shit teacher because of his contract.", huh? Sounds to me like they don't wanna look bad for firing a teacher because he doesn't know the material.

Anyway, enough of that rant that really wasn't supposed to be a rant. My main point is that he's a terrible teacher and my grades are average because of it. Other classes of mine are kinda suffering. Partly because I'm trying to work 16 hrs/week, also because I sort of procrastinate, but mostly because of that teacher and that I just can't seem to win with any of it. Even with this last Strength of Materials test I took, I was feeling really good about all of it, and then I get it back and I got a 78%, which is like barely a C-, I think a high D+. That's another thing that really pisses me off about WCTC. They use the dumbest grading scale ever. 95-100 is an A (yeah, apparently they don't believe in A+ grades), 93-94 is an A- (yep, 1% difference for the A- group), and then it just gets dumber as you go lower on the scale. And they have these stupid Critical Life skills that we're gonna be getting graded on next semester, which is stupid too. Basically every school I went to - well, Saylesville, sorta-ish - has ended up kinda really sucking in certain ways after being there a while.

But still, dammit. This all really sucks.

Really Not Sure What's More Depressing Here...

Alright, so, I just turned 20 today. It's pretty great and all, ya know, finally getting out of that teenage zone and all. I opened up some gifts that I got from my sisters, all of which were very nice and I appreciated. I also bought myself a headphone extension, which is literally just barely long enough when I'm sitting on the couch playing on my 360 (6 ft. and my headphone cord is barely a foot and a half, and the distance between the couch I sit on and the TV is roughly 7.5 to 8 ft.) Along with that I got a Powered Subwoofer for my car. I haven't installed that yet, and won't be until next Tuesday after work, as I don't know much about installing subs, so I'm gonna have a friend who's good with wiring in cars help me out on Tuesday, which I'm very much so looking forward to.

Anyway, on to the main point of this post. I turned 20 today, and in one small way - to me at least - that's a bad thing. I'm 20, and I still have never kissed a girl, been on a "date" (I went to a haunted house with a girl I liked my junior year of high school, but I didn't consider that a date, we were just friends at the time.) or ever had a girlfriend. Here's what's worse: last night, I had a dream that I finally got a girlfriend, and it was fucking great. She was a girl that I knew from Scenic View and is kinda cute, but I'm not fully aware anymore of how we came to be a thing in the dream. I remember I was standing next to her (being on my right), and I was in a line with some friends of mine. I'm not totally sure what was being said, but somehow because of some prior events, it all resulted in her and I being boyfriend/girlfriend, and everyone started cheering for us. I got really excited, and then we actually kissed right away. The funny thing here is, I've always been nervous about if the opportunity ever does arise to kiss a girl in real life, and worried that I'd suck at it the first time around, and I actually thought about this before we kissed in my dream. I was like "Oh shit, we're really about to do this. Well, here goes nothin'." I gotta tell you, I don't think there's been a sloppier first kiss - for me anyway - in the history of dream kisses. I'm pretty sure it even made a noise as soon as we kissed. I immediately told her I was very sorry and that it's so embarrassing, basically just excusing the fact that I totally blew that kiss.

All in all, here's the bottom line with that whole ordeal: I don't know what's more depressing; the fact that I'm 20 and still have never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend, or that I dreamt about getting one and kissing her and then waking up soon after that only realizing it was just a dream and nothing more. I can't tell you how fucking pissed off I was after waking up and just thinking "Really? That just had to be a dream?" I wanted so badly for that to have been real, and so to get up and get ready for the day - my birthday - was tough for a few hours. I remember at the final moments of the dream, we went back inside, she had just gotten done showering and was sitting on the couch watching TV. I went up to take one myself, and I was really excited to walk back down and sit with her, and somewhere between me heading to the stairs and that I woke up really mad after realizing it was a dream. If only that could've lasted 5 more minutes, I would've maybe felt a little more and been even more pissed off when waking. I don't know, it's just... it really hurt to have dreamt that and know that I'm really still single. That girl was cute in the dream, and it just felt so awesome to be in that situation. Like, I remember having her arm around me for whatever the heck it was my friends and I were doing, and I had a feeling something like what I discussed earlier was gonna happen. And to wake up and be like, oh wait, still single, never mind, hahaha you thought you had a girlfriend, it fucking sucks. Then again, my dad didn't have his first girlfriend until he was 24, but I don't wanna be like my dad. I wanna meet someone soon and get a feel for what I'm looking for, not 4 or 5 years from now.

That's my small kind-of-complaint about my turning 20. Like I said, I'm happy to be done with the teen years, but I'm still upset by the whole girl and dream thing. It made me really sad and kinda try and decide if that dream or my single status is more sad. :(

Working on the Fourth of July

Yeah. It's not fun. I was scheduled to work today for dishwashing at 3 PM, for a 200-person wedding event, which is ridiculous. I mean, what true American decides to have their wedding on the 4th of fucking July? Sure, it's a wedding day and all, but now you have to celebrate both your anniversary and the holiday of Independence Day at the same time, and I'm not sure how that would work. You've got two completely different celebrations happening on the same day and it's kinda hard to celebrate your anniversary when also trying to visit with friends and family with grilling out and fireworks, unless you plan on being away from all that anyway, in which case, good for you.

Still, though, it was a huge pile of shit that I had to work today. It completely blew any plans I may or may not have had for the 4th (I didn't really, I would've been baling hay all day, eating dinner and then going to the fireworks at night had I not had to work, which I actually would've preferred to do.). When I got to work and had been there for a little while, I looked at the run-down of the meal schedule, and it said they were to start eating at the buffet at 6 PM, with the late-night dinner snack at 9:30 PM, and that got me thinking that this must not be a very late event, since they're going for the pizza just 3.5 hours after eating. I was hoping to be done extra early then and be home for other stuff, but I didn't get out of there until 9:30, which blew so badly. 6.5 solid hours of standing and dishwashing really gets to you after about 3 hours, and certainly when you're the one washing dishes for 95% of it.

Now, it's not that I'm pissed we didn't switch roles (me and the other dishwasher person) because I never really asked if he wanted to wash the dishes (he was new and I didn't wanna just leave a pile for him to muddle through. I kept trying to slim the load down a little and then ask, but I was literally given trays, plates, glassware, etc., like every 30 seconds. It got to the point where I almost lost it and started spraying everywhere and just shoved something in the dishwasher and slam it shut. There were a few times I caught myself talking under my breath in anger, but I stopped immediately, realizing again where I was and didn't want to seem like I was getting slightly scary. I mean, I wasn't actually gonna take the sprayer and just yank it around and throw dishes everywhere, but I was so ready to just like kinda say something about work in an unpleasant tone and walk away for a bit. There was actually a point where I thought I'd never leave and just keep getting more potato-caked dishes to worry about. Eventually, however, I managed to sneak away from my position and do other stuff to make it less hectic on myself, and then I went for taking out the garbage, and that took up almost the rest of my "shift" (I say that with quotes because we don't really have shift, we just arrive at our scheduled times and leave when our area is done, and that usually varies with every event.).

I'm just glad the damn thing wasn't plated and there wasn't any cake to cut or deal with. It was buffet-style and they had donuts for their dessert, which was nice for a change. The bride actually came into the back area for a bit where the waitresses walk in and out when they're taking food out and bringing it back in and she got her music set up for the Grande March, which was sorta funny, especially when she asked if she could sneak through the kitchen. I'd just be like, sure, ya wanna do the dishes too? I guarantee it's not a shit job at all.

Anyway, the event went on, I got tired, it took for-effing-ever, I got back home in time for the end of the fireworks, went back home, relaxed and now I'm typing up this post about how shitty it is to have to work on the Fourth of July, at a COUNTRY CLUB. Like, COME ON, WHO THE F*CK HAS A WEDDING ON INDEPENDENCE DAY?!

I'm back!

I haven't posted on here in a while, but I've been pretty busy these last few months, so that's why. I finished my first year of college last month (May 16th), and I started a job as a Mechanical Design Intern at Briggs & Stratton near Milwaukee, so I've had little time to do things like this.

Anyway, now that I've briefly mentioned why I was a ghost on here for so long, now onto what I usually do, which is talk about what's on my mind (I think, anyway...) and just blog. I've recently had more and more deep thoughts about dating. I've definitely indicated that idea in past posts here about relationships and girls that I became close with over time (One in particular.). Every time I watch a movie or TV show that deals with a relationship, I always say to myself that I wish that were me. Like just this evening, I went to see San Andreas, and there was a man about my age with a cool accent and an attractive girl that came to like each other throughout the film, and by the end you could tell they were together. I worry that I won't ever get to that point in my life, and I won't be able to land a girl that beautiful. I mean, I like to think I'm confident, and always play scenarios over in my head where I would be talking to a girl that seems interested in me and be able to handle it smoothly, but I know that in reality it wouldn't be nearly that easy for me. I know for a fact that if I walked into a bar with some buddies and they all said I should talk with that cute girl over there, first of all I'd have a hard time bringing myself to simply walking over by her, but also not being awkward about the whole thing and asking a really stupid question or stumbling/stuttering or doing something I don't normally do when I'm not nervous.

I don't know, I guess I just feel like I don't get out enough to be confident like that and know how to play things in the real world. I'm not as smooth as these people in the movies that wanna get that girl in the bar are, and I'm not as quick-witted as them. Just like Will Smith in "Hitch". He's at a bar and sees a cute girl surrounded by like 4 or 5 guys, and he gives her some money and talks to her as if she works there, but she then goes after him saying she doesn't work there, and then he proceeds to say "Hey, I know you didn't work here. How else was I supposed to get you away from all those guys?" I mean, I don't think I'd be able to pull of a response or even a move like that. Maybe when I get a little older, into my 20s, I'll develop my confidence around other people a little more and be able to converse with others in a better manner. Confidence is a big thing with women, and it can be the difference between sparking a great, lasting relationship and missing out on her forever to some other guy that has the mark you left unchecked. That sounds like a really cool quote, haha.

Anyway, I'm tired, my stomach is aching, and I should get to bed. It's 1:10am, and I need some sleep. Until next time (Hopefully not too long.)!

Furious 7

I regret not getting into the Fast and Furious franchise way sooner than I did. I've known about the movies for several years but I never really got to the point of actually watching them. I remember seeing commercials for each one as they rolled out but never felt interested enough to see any of them. Not until I saw previews for Furious did I say to myself "Dammit, it's about time I watched those movies and became a Fast fan." So I began a marathon last Tuesday and managed to get through all 6 Fast movies before seeing Furious 7 last night with a friend. Never did I think I would/could get so emotional about the death of an actor than I have with Paul Walker. When I heard about his death, I hadn't really thought much about it since I wasn't a huge fan of the Fast franchise and didn't know who Paul was. After seeing all 7 movies and watching the "See You Again" music video several times, I've come to the point where I start crying not even 20 seconds into the song. 

There's a final scene between Brian (Paul) and Dom (Vin Diesel), and they smile at each other one last time in their cars, Dom in his usual car and Brian in a white Supra. They drive off together and then eventually go separate ways when the road splits. It's so sad watching them part ways and know that symbolically it's meaning that Paul is going to heaven and Dom is continuing his work. What's even more amazing is the fact that I only marathoned through the films last week, and even in that small timeframe I saw what Paul was like and how he lived life. It makes me miss him so much even though I never really knew him. Last night I was watching the music video for his tribute, and it was the most I've ever cried about a celebrity ever. It hits the feels when I watch Vin smile at Paul's CGI face and see Paul's life in that one shot, and then they part ways. 

Like I've said several times before already: Rest In Peace Paul Walker. You will be forever missed but forever remembered. 

Awesome new internet!

If I haven't mentioned this before, it's been well over a year since I was totally fed up with the current internet we were getting through Bertram Wireless. We were on the 1.5 Mbps download service, and it was slow as fuck. There was hardly a day that went by where YouTube videos didn't buffer, webpages didn't load and the Internet didn't shit it on us. When I initially called Bertram and asked what the hell was up (I didn't actually say that, but I sure felt like that), the guy told me to basically just use the Internet connection directly through the Ethernet cable and take out the WiFi for the time being. I tried that out, and it just coincidentally was the same moment when the Internet was being decent, and that fooled me. The next day I told them about how much worse it was, and a service guy came out by us shortly thereafter and checked out our setup. He told us it was just fine and that they were actually working on a much faster connection that would allow for overall better load times, and he compared it to Time Warner Cable speeds. At that point in time, he told us that they were hoping to have it rolled out by that spring (2014). Now, maybe we didn't hear it right (my mom got the info so she easily could've misunderstood something), and maybe the guy said they were gonna start working on it in the spring, which would make more sense. Anyway, spring rolled around and nothing arose. Finally, around August, I emailed Bertram and wanted to get an update on their work. This representative replied several days later and told me that they were "working on it as we speak", which I'm sure they were. 

Another few months went by and I again emailed her asking about if there was any possible ETA she knew of, and she told me they hoped to have it done by the end of 2014. January 1st, 2015 rolled around and still nothing. Eventually I emailed her one last time. She never responded, but it didn't matter, because about a week into February I decided to cruise to Bertram's website, and for like a half a second my mind wasn't registering their new site and that it was finally here. Once I figured out what I was looking at (their update was so drastic I actually thought I was looking at a different ISP's website for a short time), I started freaking out because the day I had waited nearly a year for was finally here. I let my parents know about it, and a bit later I called them up to have them get that shit installed. They came over about 4 days later, and... then... something else happened. The installation technician told us that our current setup wouldn't work with the new equipment since it's a lot heavier and acts like a sail, so if it were to ever get really windy out, our current pole could possibly lose the signal. I was pretty disappointed to hear about that and have it come down to some stability. I was forced to wait another good month before I could get the new structure out. 

Just before I was on Spring Break, the weather warmed up a lot, and it got to the point where I could finally start digging a hole where the new structure would go. I was able to dig down about 6 inches before calling it a good afternoon's work. That following Sunday I had to work most of the afternoon, so my oldest sister's boyfriend was able to finish it, and he managed to dig down a full 3 ft., 2in. which was pretty damn good. They showed me what had been done, putting the concrete in the hole and letting it heal up over the week then. I contacted Bertram once more and let them know we were ready for some actual installation, and about a week later we were flying high speed on the net. Right now we are on the 5 Mbps download service, and it's working great. Everything is consistent, we get about 4.8 Mbps down and .97 Mbps up every time I do a speed test, which is great, and it hasn't had a hiccup yet (knock on wood). 

Now, let me tell ya, I was so damn happy when it was finally set and done. I was in class when my mom told me they had come and set it up that morning (last week Wednesday), and I was pretty anxious to get home and enjoy it. Having lived with the Internet we had for nearly 20 years of my life wasn't torture, but it made me feel like we were slightly out of touch with everyone else in a way. Ever since, we've watched several shows and movies on Netflix with no problem, gone on YouTube on my Xbox 360 and the laptops with little trouble and everything is overall much quicker. Someone from Bertram did call and ask if everything was going well and just wanted some feedback, so I'll probably take care of that when I get a chance sometime this week. I've also called Signicast twice about a follow-up on my resume that I gave them, and both times I had to leave a message and the guy didn't call back yet. I called around 12:30 on Thursday afternoon and left a message, and then again today around 11:30 I called. On Thursday he said he was currently out, and this time he was in but not at his office. Anywho, that's about all I wanted to cover, keep y'all in the loop on our internet situation and how much nicer it is. Until next time!

Google Earth

 I have been using a Google Earth a lot lately. My group of college friends like to go out for lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I had to drive one day because I'd never driven up until that point, and so I was, as I like to say it "Google Earthing" how to get to the possible restaurants we may go to. It's been a big help for things like that, but it's not just that which I've used the program for. I have a 4-hour break between Physics and Math on Wednesdays, and so I use part of that time to look at different place I know of on Google Earth. I like to reminisce in certain places that I come upon/travel to and bring back some nostalgia about the memories made in those places. My biggest spot of nostalgia and reminiscence - believe it or not - is where I live. When I go to the street view of my house, I can tell the picture is from at least 1.5 to 2 years old, because the Honda Pilot is there, which we've since replaced with our 2012 Ford F-150. I get especially nostalgic with that part because it really makes me wonder what I might've been doing at that time, whether it be at school, at home watching TV, whatever it was, it'd be cool to know what that was. I also like to "travel the roads", as I say it now, to different friends' houses that I now know how to get to, and places where I've worked, like my friends Brandon and Alex, and HUHS, Mantz Automation and Scenic View Country Club. 

I also go on Google Earth a lot more now because of the fact that I have so damn much time in-between classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. It's why I'm blogging right now, too. It's almost 1pm and I still have a good 20 minutes before I need to head to class. I doubt we'll be doing that much anyway. We were supposed to take a quiz on Monday, but there were some people who wanted to review an extra day, so the quiz is going to be today and then the test next Monday. I personally would've gone ahead and taken the quiz last class, but I don't think a lot of the other people in the class really get what we're working on, but to me it's really not too hard. I don't really care all that much, though, I mean, we were a little ahead in Tech. Math 1 last semester, so I'm fine with pushing tests and quizzes back a few days. 

It's now 1pm on the dot. Imagine Dragons are performing at the BMO Harris Bradley Center on June 13th, and I'm hoping to get a number of people from the Rejoice Group to go to it. There is a section with a row of the exact amount of seats we need, but I'd like for anyone that wants to go to commit soon because I wouldn't doubt for a second that some or all of those seats will be taken within the next few weeks as that date nears, especially with how much more fame Imagine Dragons are getting all the time. 

Anyway, that's all I got today. I should give my thumbs a rest before math, I've been writing this whole post on my iPhone, since my laptop is off and it's not worth it getting that out just for this. Until next time! 

My Fourth Year of State FFA Band

I have been part of the Wisconsin State FFA Honors Band for 3 years now, ever since my sophomore year of high school. It was a great first year, and I met some pretty awesome people. It took until my second year when we became closer as a group and started communicating and hanging out with each other more often besides State Convention in June and the fair in August. The group consists of 9 people (including me): Tyler, Trevor, Colleen, Kollin, Maddie, Justin, Leah and Alec. My third year was not quite as awesome, because half of the group was gone. Tyler's fourth year was my second year, and for some reason Kollin never showed up after applying and being accepted again, Colleen had school stuff going on, I think, Maddie ended up being stuck with work stuff, Justin got tied down with basic training, and so it left me, Alec, Trevor and Leah for my third year. I'm not saying I didn't have a lot of fun, because I did, it just wasn't the same with all those people gone. And now, I wish I didn't have to say this, but something tells me I'm the only one in the group that applied again this year. It's my final year, like I indicated earlier, but I've got a pretty good feeling that no one else applied for it. I mean, there are a few friends that MAY have applied again, but I'm not putting faith in it.

This may seem nerdy, but it'll make me feel better to put it out this way. These are some reasons why I think no one else (besides the previous fourth years who no longer qualify anyway) has applied:

Justin: He is involved with the National Guard (I think) and missed it last year because of basic training, and I'm not too sure he's gonna have time for State Band this summer either.
Kollin: He's really jumpy with availability. Leah apparently helped him fill out his application last year and helped him get accepted again, but he ended up not even coming anyway for God knows what reason why, so I'm not expecting to hear that he applied.
Maddie: She's a maybe. She's got work, and probably other family things, and I'm like, eh, she's probably one of the better possibilities of coming back.
Leah: I know for a fact she isn't coming back. She's got work going, college, and all understandable reasons. Life gets busy at this point in time, and I'm just lucky I don't have as much shit going on as some college kids do right now. I'm not mad, just a little saddened.
Colleen: I wish I could say she was maybe coming, but she said it all depends on summer classes, and that tells me it's probably gonna be a no, unless she miraculously gets time to do band.

Those are the people that could still apply for it but probably didn't. Although, now that I think about it, I wonder how old Colleen and Maddie are, since they're both sophomores in high school, as well as Justin and Kollin. you can be in the State FFA Honors Band for either 4 years or until you're 21, whichever comes first. I have no idea if those people are that age yet, but I'm sure they're pretty close. If anything, I'd be guessing that maybe Maddie and Justin will be back, and possibly Colleen. I'd like to think Kollin would be too, but I just don't know.

I guess we'll find out the real answers when the official roster comes in a few months' time.

Alright, time to let off some "steam"...

So, I'm not really meaning "steam" as in heat or anger about something, just general me being honest about how I feel on things in life and how I take things personally.

First of all, I don't really think I've been using this blog the right way ever since I started it up in 2010. In my eyes, a blog is a place on the internet where you give people advice on a subject, share a view on a controversial topic, give recipes on certain great food, etc. It's not an online journal, and to me, that seems to be all I've ever written in the sense of, as if this were my personal journal. I mean, I realize next to no one reads this blog, aside from the few that happen to come across it when click the "Next Blog" link at the top of each blog page, but really, it's not much traffic. With every post I make, I'm hoping that maybe it will actually sound like I'm blogging and not writing another entry in my journal, which it ends up being anyway - a journal entry. I may sound pissed off with this, and that's exactly what I'm going for here. I did say wanted to let off some steam, right?

My second item I'd like to cover here is how I converse with other people, specifically: friends. In what way? Through social media, texting, in-person... all of it. For instance, on Facebook, I'm in a group with some good friends of mine from our State FFA Band, and I feel like I'm one of the people posting every other post, and sometimes I get the sense that I annoy them with how much I'm posting things. Many times I'll think of a status that I think would be funny to post, but then I'm just like, "Is this really gonna be funny to anyone else besides me? Probably not.", and then I end up not posting it. If I never thought it through, I'd probably have twice the amount of posts than I do now. Even so, I sometimes wish I didn't post on that group page as much as I did.

• The same goes for talking with people in-person and hanging out with them. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to go for the most attention or I'm trying to be funnier than I think I'm being, or just simply a little annoying. I've come to feel that, over the years of being in the State FFA Band and the National FFA Band and making a ton of new friends and kinda feeling like the center of attention a little, my ego has grown slightly and I feel like big man on campus, even though I don't want that about me. I don't wanna be that person who thinks they're all that and then some, when really they're a huge d-bag and kind of an arrogant bastard. 

Even within my own family, I sometimes need to tone it down and not be so annoying. I realize that being a brother comes with its natural being annoying parts, and that's just how it is (especially when you have 3 sisters and no brothers) sometimes. I've certainly matured over the years, and that can only grow as I learn more right from wrong and how to act and all that jazz, but still, I always look on my life at night when I'm in bed, nearly ready to fall asleep, thinking about events in my life and what I probably should've done, shouldn't have done, ya know.

Sometimes I just wanna drop off the face of the internet for a while and kinda let that all cool down, get more out of life that way. I really miss the days of not having Facebook, back in early middle and grade school days. It dawns on me once in a while, when I'm bored at home and don't really have much to do, I've got Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Vine, Twitter, and the whole of the internet to cruise on, but back in like 4th and 5th grade, I didn't do any of that stuff (besides YouTube), and I wish I could go back to that once in a while. \

Oh yeah - I also wish I could stop cracking my knuckles, for good. I've tried stopping numerous times here and there, but it always ends up being broken a few days later after the temptation either getting too great or I catch myself unconsciously cracking them. One last thing, and I'm not making a separate paragraph for this - I want to become more confident in myself and be able to more easily talk to attractive girls. One final last thing (haha), I want to be able to talk more intelligently and not sound like a complete idiot like I sometimes do. Comment on things that people will agree on, say things that are intriguing, not say things that make people shake their heads at me or laugh at what I just said because it was so off.

I'd love to talk about more, but that's really the main stuff, and I'm kinda done bringing myself down with all these shit things about me. Hopefully I can improve upon all that. Heck, maybe I won't exactly "give up" Facebook for Lent this year, I'll just kinda not go on it and stay off for a while so I don't tempt myself with it. Maybe even delete the app and really kick it into high gear. Anyway, that's all I'll say for now, until next time.

Football

So, football. Football football football. Lots of football lately. The regular season ended about two weeks ago, and the playoffs started last weekend. The Wildcard games were last weekend, the Divisional games are this weekend and the AFC and NFC Championship games are next weekend. The Super Bowl is on Sunday, February 1st, and I'm hoping the Packers are in it. They are playing the Dallas Cowboys tomorrow at 12:05 PM, and they have a pretty good chance of winning, especially because they are playing at home and are currently undefeated at home (8-0). The Cowboys, however, are 8-0 on the road (aka undefeated), and so it's gonna be a tough match-up, it ain't gonna be a cake walk by any means.

Aaron Rodgers was hurt a little bit against the Lions in Week 17, and his calf and I think his left leg are what have been giving him trouble the past few weeks. The Packers did have a bye week, so he got some additional time off to let his leg heal, but I don't think it's gonna be 100% by tomorrow. Rodgers was, however, able to finish the game and beat the Lions 30-20 after aggravating his left leg, so that shows a lot with how well he's able to play under some pain and pressure. I mean, if a quarterback is already playing on an injured leg, aggravates it after throwing a TD, goes out of the game for not even a half hour and then comes back and wins the game anyway, I don't get how that isn't a deserving MVP award moment.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about the game, nervous about how the Packers defense can handle Romo and the Cowboys offense, but I'm sure they'll pull it off in the end. I don't always predict the outcomes of games and their scores, but I'm gonna go for it on this one and say the Packers are either gonna win by a field goal or one TD, or they'll lose by two TDs. The score? 37-30. That's gonna be my guess. It's a good strong amount of points and a reasonable gap for the Packers and the Cowboys. I mean, based on how the Cowboys played against the Lions, it could be a very close game. We beat them (Lions) 30-20, but the Cowboys won by just 4 points, 24-20, so I'd say we have a decent chance of even making it a two possession win.

Alright, so halftime is over for the Seahawks and Panthers game. I'm kinda rooting for the Panthers because I think we have a better chance of going to the SB off of the Panthers than we do off of the 'Hawks. Who knows? We could very well kick the 'Hawks ass too, ya never know how the Pack ends up playing against Wilson and his team. I'd love to see that happen, but we gotta wait another day before we find out their potential. Until next time!

New Layout, New This, New That...

So I changed up my blog's layout a little, as you can tell. I figured it was time to shake things up a bit and make a change here. I watched a movie called "The House at the End of the Street", and Jennifer Lawrence was in it. I don't know if any of you guys have seen it, but it's sort of a horror/suspense film, and I kinda liked it. Kinda because it's Jennifer Lawrence, but also because those kind of films I do like just a bit. I hate scary movies, don't get me wrong, but suspense I can deal with... to an extent. I also recently heard that Jennifer Lawrence and Liam Hemsworth are now dating, which is awesome. She was with Nicholas Hoult for a while, and then apparently Chris Martin for 6 months or so, and now she and Hemsworth are rolling things right along. It's pretty cool to think that those two are rumored to be together now, since I was always wondering if those two would ever become a thing, which now they supposedly have. It's mostly rumor right now, but I think it's pretty close to being a confirmed fact.

Ever since I got into Hunger Games and learned of Jennifer Lawrence, I've always hoped that I meet someone like her or of her personality, someone that I could date. She has that girly side to her, but she's also got that got that tough girl side to that shows she can be independent and think for herself. That to me is what a great girlfriend would be. There's this girl I met at National FFA band last year in October, she's from South Dakota, and she was pretty cute. She's one of those girls who has a girly side, but also has that tomboy attitude as well, only with her it's literally. When we met the then-current National FFA officer team, she took the guy that we were talking with down to the ground in less than 5 seconds, it was crazy shit. I just realized that my title for this post has nothing to do with 95% of what I'm talking about right now. It's only relevant to the first two sentences, so more like 98% of what I'm talking about.

Tomorrow is the more "official" Alumni Pep band, and I'm going to it, because, why wouldn't I? A lot of my old high school friends will be there, and it's always a good time. Sometimes I feel like I'm not using this blog like I should be. A blog, to me, is something where you tell people about how to go about doing something, giving advice, showing pictures of places you're traveling to and so on and so forth. I'm just going on and on about what's happening in my life and how I'm working with things.

Agh, whatever though, this is my blog. I'm watching "The King of Queens" right now, starring Kevin James and Leah Remini. They're both great actors, and Leah Remini is actually kinda hot. It's a great show, really, and I watch it almost every night. On the nights that I'm not watching it I'm either not home at the moment or I forgot about it. I'm struggling to come up with things to talk about here. You guys don't mind, right? You guy enough enjoyment out of whatever I type up on here anyway, so I could ramble for hours and never bore you, I think... well, maybe. Now I am rambling because I really have nothing to talk about. And it's funny - every time I run out of something to talk about, I talk about rambling and how I suddenly have an entire paragraph typed up because of it.

Alright, I think that's all for now, ta ta for now!