Alright, time to let off some "steam"...

So, I'm not really meaning "steam" as in heat or anger about something, just general me being honest about how I feel on things in life and how I take things personally.

First of all, I don't really think I've been using this blog the right way ever since I started it up in 2010. In my eyes, a blog is a place on the internet where you give people advice on a subject, share a view on a controversial topic, give recipes on certain great food, etc. It's not an online journal, and to me, that seems to be all I've ever written in the sense of, as if this were my personal journal. I mean, I realize next to no one reads this blog, aside from the few that happen to come across it when click the "Next Blog" link at the top of each blog page, but really, it's not much traffic. With every post I make, I'm hoping that maybe it will actually sound like I'm blogging and not writing another entry in my journal, which it ends up being anyway - a journal entry. I may sound pissed off with this, and that's exactly what I'm going for here. I did say wanted to let off some steam, right?

My second item I'd like to cover here is how I converse with other people, specifically: friends. In what way? Through social media, texting, in-person... all of it. For instance, on Facebook, I'm in a group with some good friends of mine from our State FFA Band, and I feel like I'm one of the people posting every other post, and sometimes I get the sense that I annoy them with how much I'm posting things. Many times I'll think of a status that I think would be funny to post, but then I'm just like, "Is this really gonna be funny to anyone else besides me? Probably not.", and then I end up not posting it. If I never thought it through, I'd probably have twice the amount of posts than I do now. Even so, I sometimes wish I didn't post on that group page as much as I did.

• The same goes for talking with people in-person and hanging out with them. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to go for the most attention or I'm trying to be funnier than I think I'm being, or just simply a little annoying. I've come to feel that, over the years of being in the State FFA Band and the National FFA Band and making a ton of new friends and kinda feeling like the center of attention a little, my ego has grown slightly and I feel like big man on campus, even though I don't want that about me. I don't wanna be that person who thinks they're all that and then some, when really they're a huge d-bag and kind of an arrogant bastard. 

Even within my own family, I sometimes need to tone it down and not be so annoying. I realize that being a brother comes with its natural being annoying parts, and that's just how it is (especially when you have 3 sisters and no brothers) sometimes. I've certainly matured over the years, and that can only grow as I learn more right from wrong and how to act and all that jazz, but still, I always look on my life at night when I'm in bed, nearly ready to fall asleep, thinking about events in my life and what I probably should've done, shouldn't have done, ya know.

Sometimes I just wanna drop off the face of the internet for a while and kinda let that all cool down, get more out of life that way. I really miss the days of not having Facebook, back in early middle and grade school days. It dawns on me once in a while, when I'm bored at home and don't really have much to do, I've got Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Vine, Twitter, and the whole of the internet to cruise on, but back in like 4th and 5th grade, I didn't do any of that stuff (besides YouTube), and I wish I could go back to that once in a while. \

Oh yeah - I also wish I could stop cracking my knuckles, for good. I've tried stopping numerous times here and there, but it always ends up being broken a few days later after the temptation either getting too great or I catch myself unconsciously cracking them. One last thing, and I'm not making a separate paragraph for this - I want to become more confident in myself and be able to more easily talk to attractive girls. One final last thing (haha), I want to be able to talk more intelligently and not sound like a complete idiot like I sometimes do. Comment on things that people will agree on, say things that are intriguing, not say things that make people shake their heads at me or laugh at what I just said because it was so off.

I'd love to talk about more, but that's really the main stuff, and I'm kinda done bringing myself down with all these shit things about me. Hopefully I can improve upon all that. Heck, maybe I won't exactly "give up" Facebook for Lent this year, I'll just kinda not go on it and stay off for a while so I don't tempt myself with it. Maybe even delete the app and really kick it into high gear. Anyway, that's all I'll say for now, until next time.