Alright, so, I just turned 20 today. It's pretty great and all, ya know, finally getting out of that teenage zone and all. I opened up some gifts that I got from my sisters, all of which were very nice and I appreciated. I also bought myself a headphone extension, which is literally just barely long enough when I'm sitting on the couch playing on my 360 (6 ft. and my headphone cord is barely a foot and a half, and the distance between the couch I sit on and the TV is roughly 7.5 to 8 ft.) Along with that I got a Powered Subwoofer for my car. I haven't installed that yet, and won't be until next Tuesday after work, as I don't know much about installing subs, so I'm gonna have a friend who's good with wiring in cars help me out on Tuesday, which I'm very much so looking forward to.
Anyway, on to the main point of this post. I turned 20 today, and in one small way - to me at least - that's a bad thing. I'm 20, and I still have never kissed a girl, been on a "date" (I went to a haunted house with a girl I liked my junior year of high school, but I didn't consider that a date, we were just friends at the time.) or ever had a girlfriend. Here's what's worse: last night, I had a dream that I finally got a girlfriend, and it was fucking great. She was a girl that I knew from Scenic View and is kinda cute, but I'm not fully aware anymore of how we came to be a thing in the dream. I remember I was standing next to her (being on my right), and I was in a line with some friends of mine. I'm not totally sure what was being said, but somehow because of some prior events, it all resulted in her and I being boyfriend/girlfriend, and everyone started cheering for us. I got really excited, and then we actually kissed right away. The funny thing here is, I've always been nervous about if the opportunity ever does arise to kiss a girl in real life, and worried that I'd suck at it the first time around, and I actually thought about this before we kissed in my dream. I was like "Oh shit, we're really about to do this. Well, here goes nothin'." I gotta tell you, I don't think there's been a sloppier first kiss - for me anyway - in the history of dream kisses. I'm pretty sure it even made a noise as soon as we kissed. I immediately told her I was very sorry and that it's so embarrassing, basically just excusing the fact that I totally blew that kiss.
All in all, here's the bottom line with that whole ordeal: I don't know what's more depressing; the fact that I'm 20 and still have never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend, or that I dreamt about getting one and kissing her and then waking up soon after that only realizing it was just a dream and nothing more. I can't tell you how fucking pissed off I was after waking up and just thinking "Really? That just had to be a dream?" I wanted so badly for that to have been real, and so to get up and get ready for the day - my birthday - was tough for a few hours. I remember at the final moments of the dream, we went back inside, she had just gotten done showering and was sitting on the couch watching TV. I went up to take one myself, and I was really excited to walk back down and sit with her, and somewhere between me heading to the stairs and that I woke up really mad after realizing it was a dream. If only that could've lasted 5 more minutes, I would've maybe felt a little more and been even more pissed off when waking. I don't know, it's just... it really hurt to have dreamt that and know that I'm really still single. That girl was cute in the dream, and it just felt so awesome to be in that situation. Like, I remember having her arm around me for whatever the heck it was my friends and I were doing, and I had a feeling something like what I discussed earlier was gonna happen. And to wake up and be like, oh wait, still single, never mind, hahaha you thought you had a girlfriend, it fucking sucks. Then again, my dad didn't have his first girlfriend until he was 24, but I don't wanna be like my dad. I wanna meet someone soon and get a feel for what I'm looking for, not 4 or 5 years from now.
That's my small kind-of-complaint about my turning 20. Like I said, I'm happy to be done with the teen years, but I'm still upset by the whole girl and dream thing. It made me really sad and kinda try and decide if that dream or my single status is more sad. :(
