I've been trying to find some way to talk about this on here, but every time I do, I either say "Fuck it, this sounds like shit." or "I sound like a whiny little bitch.", so maybe this is whatever-times-the-charm on this one. I'm not sure if some of the stuff I'll be saying in this post has been mentioned/talked about before in previous posts since I've done so many drafts, but here it is.
The girl from Tinder, Anna, that I hung out with at Summerfest and saw Andy Grammer with (alongside my second oldest and youngest sisters), hasn't said a word to me since July 11th. She was helping get ready for the The Little Mermaid musical that The Hartford Players put on last month, and I guess was so busy she wasn't able to reply too much, which I was fine with... at the time. It's been almost 3 weeks since anything's been said back to me, and I'm so worried that she's either done with me and won't say anything or something else that I don't understand. I'm not mad at her, I'm just frustrated it's like this right now. I try so hard not to think about it at work and just anywhere else, but eventually my mind strays back to why she hasn't said anything for coming-into-a-month now. Everything was going well, like... everything. We hit it off on Tinder pretty well, moved it to texting almost flawlessly, and enjoyed (at least I thought) each other's company at Summerfest. She even texted me first the next day, which to me was a big plus. I'm not sure what to do. I have this somewhat extensive paragraph written up in the Notes app on my iPhone, wondering if I should send that sometime this week or continue praying to God she eventually responds, or both. It's basically me saying, "Hey, I know you've been busy with musical stuff lately, but you've been pretty quiet on here lately... I like you a lot, wanna take you out to a nice place... hope you feel the same." that sorta thing. I'm gonna see what my younger sister says about it and if she thinks that's a good idea after waiting this long, or what the hell I'm supposed to do.
The last thing I wanna do is assume we're not gonna happen, go back to Tinder, find a couple matches, and then like the next day find her responding to me again. I'm trying my hardest to hold out for her and focus on just her, but I'm almost beyond discouraged at this point. Who knows, though, I may just be over-thinking it like always and she'll say something tomorrow about being away for so long. I just get really saddened by it all because you'd think after 3 texts and no responses, she would've said something if she were still interested in me. That leads me to wonder why I should even send her that last message, because why should I think she'll actually respond to that when she hasn't said a word in three weeks? I mean, I don't know how else to get through to her. She's not responding to my texts, but... oh yeah. That's another thing.
She seems to have no problem posting on Instagram and liking stuff on Facebook, but she can't respond to me. The only thing that is still giving me a little hope is a post of hers on Instagram where she's showing off a mask she's making for another musical, and in the description she says something like "Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I'm in the middle of going from one musical to the next and it's been a bit nuts." So, maybe it's just the biggest effing time commitment I've ever heard of and she's not saying much to me? I don't know. I just feel so crappy inside from it and it makes it a lot harder to get through the day when I still don't hear from her. I'd just like to know something. Anything. Even if, God forbid, she was done with me, at least have the respect/decency to tell me, so I'm not sitting here wondering what's up and trying to stay on her radar like it's the only thing that matters right now.
Again, I just don't know. I really want to send that last message, but then again, I also want to wait it out just this weekend yet, but I'm so damn torn. The worst case scenario, really, at this point is that I send that message telling her how I feel, and she doesn't even respond to that. Then I'll know she clearly isn't into me or thinks it's okay to leave me in the dark for eternity.
BUT I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE'D TELL ME ABOUT TWO MORE REHEARSALS LEFT AND THEN JUST BAIL LIKE THAT? WHY? OR ADD ME ON FACEBOOK FIRST. I never took her as someone who'd be like this. Even at Summerfest, she seemed really cool and had an amazing personality. It never crossed my mind that "Oh jeez, she's not digging this very well." Sure, it took her a while to respond at first on Tinder, but hey, that I fully understood; you wanna make sure this guy isn't a creep or someone who's gonna demand they get a response right away. And I kept my distance until she got more comfortable.
Anyway, that's my rant for the night. Time for bed and another day at the office. I continue praying as always.
Please, Anna. Just tell me what's up. I like you, you're pretty, your red hair, all of it. Whole 9 yards. I'm holding out for you while I keep my head up.
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